But I Didn't Know...  by John Bridges

The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face while hunting. Everyone has something to say about it. But something is getting lost amid all of the Left's snark and the Right's blindly loyal defense and denials. Everyone is overlooking a shocking truth at the core of this perverse incident, because it's so embarrassing, so shameful, that we as a nation can't confront it.

You know what I'm getting at, buy can't even say it, can you? Fine. Then I will.

We do not pay the Vice President of the United States enough money to put food on the table for his family!

That's right... we've been selfish. We need our Social Programs! We need Health Care! We need to provide housing to Katrina Victims months after the fact! Our children need light bulbs in their schools!

But what about the needs of Dick Cheney? The Cheney Family? Christ! We have been so selfish.

While we've all been running around living the good life, the Vice President has been reduced to hunting and gathering! Do you know why it took a day and half to notify the press? Because they wanted to figure out a way to explain to the American People that our Vice President was out scrounging around for enough tiny birds to shoot for a decent meal. Because Mr. Cheney is a proud patriot who just wanted to hide the fact he and Lynn have had to subsist on armadillo casserole a few times a month to make ends meet.

"But what about Halliburton?" you ask. "I thought he was filthy rich..." Not true. It all goes to pay for silly, impulse purchase stuff, like... metric tons of anonymously donated school supplies for Iraqi school children, medical supplies for Darfur, notions and sundries for the kids at "Make a Wish Foundation." That kind of frivolity.

Meanwhile Lynn and Mary are rooting and grubbing through bags of Church Basement schmattes for something decent to wear and Dick "skips" lunches to “keep the spare tire off."

There is an unconfirmed report that Mr. Cheney has recently set "several " crudely improvised squirrel traps outside the Old Executive Office Building.

There. Feel better America? Now you know everything.

Now what are we going to do about it?

Go Back to Blogs.