I Have Questions!  by Jeff McGowan

When Brokeback Mountain came out, I went to see it on the first day. I, like many gay people, was excited about the movie and the buzz that its release caused. Anyone who has seen it, I believe, will acknowledge that it is a finely made film— with beautiful landscape shots and excellent acting. If not particularly groundbreaking, it was certainly worthy of an Oscar by virtue of its quality.                                                                                                          

When the movie began, I was...well... bored! I got ants in my pants and began squirming, until the friend who I went with leaned over and whispered loudly, “the sex scene is not for another twenty minutes and its not a big deal, quit being a fidget!” This quieted me somewhat and to relieve my ennui I started to look around.

What struck me immediately as I sat in the darkened theater, was the audience. As I looked around, I was thunderstruck by the fact that most of the people sitting there in the dark were nice straight couples. Some of them were even straight senior citizens! Not at all who I would have thought of as being interested in a Gay cowboy film. Now don’t get me wrong, that was a pleasant and welcome surprise, I want straight people to feel welcome and to partake in gay culture. I guess I just wasn’t ready to see so many of them there on the first day. As the movie winded its way to completion I felt a vague sense of guilt building in me as I looked around at the mostly heterosexual audience who seemed to be more involved in the film than I was.
                                                                                                                         So, why did I feel like such a heel when the movie was over and I was walking out amongst a gaggle of misty-eyed straight people, who had so courageously expanded their cultural frontiers?
                                                                                                                       Maybe it’s just the blue collar upbringing I had. Or, maybe I tend to analyze too much. Regardless of the reason, as the credits rolled and people filed out of the theatre, I realized that I still had many questions.

Not to put a damper on the attempt at sensitivity and communal love, but for instance how did Ang Lee decide who was going to be the top or bottom? Did Jake and Heath have to flip a coin? Did one volunteer? “Gee Heath, I’ll bite the bullet on this one. Just be gentle when you use me like a man on a deserted island with a blow-up doll.”
Did they have to rehearse? I mean, they’re straight. It’s not like they just new what to do right? Somebody had to show them something. Who knows, maybe there is a choreographer for gay sex scenes. I can just imagine the rehearsals— they must have looked like a game of twister with about as much grace.
                                                                                                                        And then there was the scene in the tent, the long awaited moment when they “did it” for the first time. I wanted to jump up and shout ”Good sweet Jesus, get some lube on that branding iron!” I mean, that’s just not the type of thing we gay folks do without lubrication. But, this question was followed by a horrible thought—perhaps Heath was small enough that lube didn’t matter. I shuddered and vowed to light a candle to scare away the demons that put such evil images in my head.

I also thought about what this means for the future. Straight people get all sorts of sex in their movies— tits, ass—coital jousting of every sort. Does BrokeBack mean that gay people will see more of what we do in bed on the silver screen? Could we— and I just felt a chill up my spine as I wrote the words— have Jude Law doing a frontal nudity scene ala Sharon Stone? With my luck someone like James Gandolfini would land a role as a mobster looking to change his gender and get to do it instead. I will be scarred for life if that happens.

These and many other questions floated through my head as the rest of the audience got caught up in the tragic love story and the tremendous pain that both men experienced. And maybe that’s just fine, anything that will help straight people get it and help gays and lesbians to achieve equality is a good thing. For gays and lesbians looking at the film it is different. Those I spoke to voiced sentiments more along the lines of “been there, done that”. I think I speak for many when I say that there is no pleasure in rehashing the pain that many of us have experienced over the years as we yearned for a different world where our relationships would matter. The good thing is that that reality seems closer than ever before, thanks in no small part to more and more people being broad-minded and willing to move with the times.

As for me, as great as it was to see straight people captivated by Jack and Ennis, I can’t help but indulge in a little shallow mischief and pine for a little more flesh and sex and ask those probing questions.


 

Go Back to Blogs.